I have recently begun offering official ADHD and Autism assessments in my practice and I love it so much! I have had so many clients over the years question their self diagnosis or feel like a part diagnosis was incomplete. I especially love working with women and nonbinary or trans folks, who have been misdiagnosed and misunderstood by previous providers. Not everyone needs an official diagnosis, and a self diagnosis is 100% valid in my opinion. But, going through the official diagnosis process can be helpful.
Here are 6 common things that happen during my assessments:
We uncover decades of invisible effort. During my assessments, I look at the systems, strategies, and compensation mechanisms women use to hide their neurodivergence. We talk about masking, and really name the amount of effort and energy this takes. This contributes to burnout, not feeling understood, by others, and feeling like everyone else has an easier time than you
We release shame. Shame is feeling like you are bad or wrong. It comes from: years of feeling “othered”, hiding your natural inclinations, mirroring others to fit in, and masking even with your close friends or partners. Finding reasons why you think, feel, and behave as you do helps make sense of your experiences. Neutral, neuro-affirming frameworks help build compassion for your experiences and opens the door for more tools to utilize.
We make sense of the past. With a new framework of a diagnosis, things start to make sense! There are reasons you felt or acted the way you did that’s not being “bad” or “wrong” or “unlikable”. Now things click into place and we can rewrite your narratives about the past (and also create new ones for the future).
We rebuild self trust. Being undiagnosed and masking for decades likely means you turned to others for guidance on how to interpret situations, and to know the “rules” you’re supposed to follow. You’ve learned to defer to others and maybe even were explicitly taught to do so! Sometimes, others can give you the external structure you need to activate, or the stimuli that you need to feel some dopamine. All of this means relying on others for what you don’t trust yourself to give.
We heal people pleasing. This centering of others and abandoning yourself typically includes people pleasing. Hiding your inner self and relying on others to create the “rules” or structure you follow is a smart strategy to stay safe and can be very effective to build relationships. But it ignores how you actually feel and what you actually need. With time, this can look like codependency or can lead you into unhealthy relational patterns. (See my previous blog on this topic here.)
We find your authentic self. So how do you know who you are underneath the masking and hiding? Who are you really? And then how do you start to show it to yourself and others? This is vulnerable, but so so so worth it! Taking risks to be more yourself reduces the effort of masking and creates more alignment in your relationships. It’s more fulfilling in almost every way
The goal of an assessment is to better understand yourself and your experiences, to make sense of your inner world, and to externalize what isn’t actually yours. It can also help provide justification for accommodations or increased access to medications, all of which we can talk about if you’re interested (I just wrote an accommodation letter for a client with autism who needs more support at work!).
Therapy after a recent diagnosis is highly recommended. You don’t have to go through this alone, and you don’t have to rely on ADHD Tik Tok either! Work with a neuro-affirming therapist who can truly help and really get you!
Contact me for more info on assessments or therapy options!
