How I Managed Intuitive Eating While Under Medical Restrictions

My Spring Oral Surgery Story

I’ve been absent from this newsletter, blog, and social media for awhile now because earlier this Spring, I had a very unpleasant oral surgery. To keep a long story short, I had precancerous cells on the underside of my tongue. They had a 15% chance of becoming cancer, even though I don’t have any of the risk factors for mouth cancer. So, surgery was recommended. They would have to remove layers on my tongue, but hopefully not enough that they had to use a skin graft. Yea, this was gross and unpleasant. 

In addition to the high levels of pain associated with this surgery, it would impact my ability to talk and eat for several weeks. This meant being out of work for awhile since my job is all about talking (and of course listening but you know..). It also meant I couldn’t eat solid foods for weeks. Like, maybe a whole month. 

I knew I had to be prepared to basically have very little choice of what I could eat (or really, drink), and I knew I would likely be hungry and not be able to satiate that hunger. So how can I go through this temporary period of breaking trust with my body in this way? Like, I’ve spent so long building a connection with my body that I can honor its hunger, its cravings, its aversions, etc. But now, I had to break that connection. I had to sip on room temperature broth when I really wanted a bagel. I had to allow my stomach to growl in hunger without attending to its needs. 

When I learned about intuitive eating years ago and when I started on an anti-diet journey, I learned that restriction was the main culprit, the main thing to look out for. I still teach this. Restriction, even just thoughts of restriction, can lead you to feel deprived. Then the deprivation can lead to binge type behaviors, and the cycle continues right? 

I was worried that this period of forced restriction would ruin all my efforts, would make my body feel disconnected, uncared for, and deprived. I worried how my eating would look like once I could have solid foods again. And I worried about losing weight and gaining it quickly back. 

So this is what I did. I tried really hard to listen to my cravings and stay attuned to my body. Did I want something like broth or like gatorade or a protein shake? Is my stomach empty feeling? How is my mouth feeling? Where am I feeling pain right now? Is the rest of my body tensing with the pain or can I relax my shoulders and hips? Is there gentle movement that my body could use, like a walk in the backyard? I allowed myself as many thinned-out milkshakes as I wanted. I complained to my trusted people about what I was truly craving to eat (mainly, pizza. Omg I missed pizza!)

And when I could eat again, I offered total permission. Do I need another smoothie? Do I want more softly scrambled eggs? And when I could still eat more kinds of food, I allowed myself to eat more of it than I usually would. I understood my body needed to feel like food was accessible and needed to trust it could satisfy its hunger. 

My weight did fluctuate through the two months of surgery recovery, first rapidly losing weight (I didn’t track how much) and then rapidly regaining it as I ate again. My task here was to not try to monitor it, and to not get attached to it. I knew my weight would rebound. I knew my body was going through a lot as it tried to heal. And I trusted it was going to do its thing. My job was to manage pain and take care of it; my body would do the rest. 

Not every moment of this was perfect. It was a really painful surgery and it was a really long recovery. I still talk with a little lisp and my tongue is still limited in its range of motion. I still take ibuprofen and tylenol throughout the day for pain and there are foods I’m still not eating (tortilla chips, I’m coming for you one day…). Frankly, this has all super super super super sucked. It’s sucked. But my body image didn’t change through it. My body trust didn’t change. My attunement to myself wasn’t lost. 

When I think of why intuitive eating or body acceptance work matters, this is why. Anything can happen. My body is going to go through many periods of health issues throughout my lifetime. That’s just what bodies do. And I want to be able to weather those experiences as best I can and without unnecessary layers of shame and self criticism. 

So now I am cancer free, a little slurry, and well connected to myself.